PHOENIX — It’s the most wonderful time of the year, but what about the people tasked with making all the magic happen during the holidays?
A national study reveals that while many parents are trying to deck the halls, they’re feeling completely stressed out, especially moms.
It’s that time of year. The hustle and bustle is on for moms and dads, like Roopa Subramanya Shetty and Deepak Venkatachalapathy from Tempe.
“We love to do outings,” she said. “We love to roam around all the places nearby.”
They spent the day shopping at Tempe Marketplace with their 3-year-old son.
Subramanya Shetty credits her husband with being the most relaxed parent when it comes to holiday stress.
“He is,” she said. “I get frustrated very easily.”
“Yeah, unless we come out,” he said. “He’s a mess maker.”
Moms and dads shared what was on their minds, as they tackled their seemingly endless to-do lists.
“I think exciting,” said Gianna Tijerana, mom of 3. “I’m a procrastinator though, so it’s starting to feel stressful, but mostly just exciting.
However, according to a recent national poll by the University of Michigan, the intensity of burnout among moms is much higher than among dads.
“I feel like dads are just more laid back, chill… know that everything is just going to work out,” said Ryan Tijerana, Gianna’s husband.
“I wish I got all the chill my husband got, but I don’t why,” she said. “…but it’s for sure true.”
In fact, the study shows that 23% of mothers report high stress during the holidays, twice the level of dads at 12%. It also shows a mother's holiday season stress often affects every member of the family.
The reality is, sometimes we can’t do it all, and some things have to wait, which is okay if you ask Dr. Barbara Schulte, a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner at Denova Collaborative Health.
Right now, she’s seeing an influx of overwhelmed moms.
“They are tasked to do all of the things that they do normally, but now we have the having to do the holiday shopping, the planning of the meals and all the extra things,” she said. “…and kids being out of school can be extremely overwhelming on the schedules… having them at home versus in school.”
Dr. Schulte says there are a lot of stress factors, but a big one is balancing the expectations of grandparents and in-laws and trying to avoid family fights during what’s supposed to be the most joyful time of the year.
“My number one thing is to reframe… starting to change our mindset,” she said. “We know it’s just one season.”
Dr. Schulte says moms need to be more open in asking for help when they feel that stress coming on.
“It’s really hard to make everybody happy, and it’s really not going not happen. I think it’s important to just focus on what you can control,” she said.
Dr. Schulte says it’s also a good idea to stay on a schedule, even if your kids are out of school.
Above all, for overwhelmed parents but especially moms out there, this time of year, it’s key to remember no one superwoman.
“That’s not reality,” she said.
Try to push those feelings aside as best you can, to have a merry and bright season, but if it’s just not possible, she recommends seeking help.
“We have a network of people, and if you don’t, try and see who you can find,” said Dr. Schulte. “It’s important to surround yourself with people that are going to support you."
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