TOLEDO, Ohio — It hasn’t been an easy journey but it’s been worth it for 23-year-old Robert Hillier of Toledo.
When he was younger, on the outside he was female but inside he felt differently.
“I was experiencing a lot of gender dysphoria to the point where I was just really confused on why I was feeling this way,” he says.
“I just knew that every time I looked down it just wasn’t right in my head, it just didn’t match up with how I felt in my brain.”
Hillier says as a kid he didn’t have dreams of having a pretty wedding. He wanted to be a husband and father and wear a suit and tuxedo.
“I never felt pretty per se, I always wanted to feel handsome.”
At the age of 18, he started to transition with hormones. He found support groups that allowed him to connect with the transgender community.
By the age of 21, he had top surgery to remove breast tissue.
It’s a procedure that took place at University Hospitals in Cleveland.
“I did have large breasts and it did hold me back from passing publicly,” he explains.
“Literally, the weight was lifted off my shoulders, it was euphoric, it was beautiful really.”
His close family has been supportive every step of the way. Hillier was also happy to find a medical team that took him seriously.
After his top surgery, he was ready for the next step.
“I just felt like I was not matching now. I wanted to match myself, I wanted my body to match my heart,” Hillier explains. “I looked great, I felt great I just wanted to be able to look great naked.”
Next month he will undergo stage two of phalloplasty, also known as "bottom" surgery, and he doesn’t have to travel far like he originally thought he would.
University Hospitals has the only comprehensive gender affirmation surgical program in Ohio and many surrounding states, according to Division Chief of Reconstructive Urology and the Director of the Surgical Gender Affirmation Program, Dr. Shubham Gupta.
“The farther a person is from a healthcare facility the worse their outcomes in terms of complications and so forth,” explains Gupta.
“Within the state of Ohio there are approximately 40,000 adults who are transgender…it’s a big population of our state and it’s a moral mandate for us to take care of them.”
The first phalloplasty in Ohio took place last July at the hospital.
“The care that we provide continues to evolve with time, continues to get better and we will be with [patients] every step of the way,” he says.
Dr. Gupta says the foundational pieces of the program have been laid and built upon over five years. He says the current structure of being a virtually integrated program, offering all aspects of LGBTQ+ care, has been in place for a year and a half.
“I think the future for this field is extremely bright because there’s going to be so many more innovations,” says Gupta.
Hillier has a wife and daughter and hopes to be done with the final stage of phalloplasty in the winter.
He has a message for those who are transgender and dealing with struggles.
“We’re here and you can make it through it, whatever you saw yourself as in your dreams, you will be that person.”
RESOURCES FOR MEMBERS OF THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY:
- University Hospitals gender affirmation surgery information and how to schedule a consultation
- GLAAD's list of general and specialized LGBTQ+ resources
- The Trevor Project - Resources for LGBTQ+ youth
- Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) - LGBTQ+ community support and education
- Equality Toledo - Resources and assistance in the Greater Toledo Area