TOLEDO, Ohio — TaTiana Cash gave a first-hand account of the hardships that one in every 10 parents in the U.S. face when having a pre-term baby.
She said a support network is needed for both the mom and the partner during a newborn's time in the NICU. Her daughter Aneres was born 12 weeks early and weighed 1 pound and 9 ounces. Cash said they had a village surrounding their family.
There were phone calls, messages, gifts, and hugs. But, she realized that her husband, and really most partners, actually didn't get as much support as moms do.
From announcing the pregnancy to being in the NICU for 13 weeks, it has been a journey. One that may have been even more intense for Ryan Smith, Cash's husband, because for the most part, all he could do was watch.
He drove his pregnant wife to the hospital and watched her cry as they told them her pregnancy had to end at 28 weeks for the safety of them both. He was there for the C-section, the rehab afterward, and the long road they both shared learning how to care for their newborn daughter. All these things he felt helpless in because he knew he could not change anything.
"Coming in and seeing the incubator and seeing how small and what not she was, was kind of eye-opening and then it's kind of intimidating," Smith said.
As a 6 foot 3 inch tall man who's over 200 pounds, looking at his brand new daughter who weighed 1 pound 9 ounces at only 13 inches long, was a lot to take in.
Katie Bochi, ProMedica Russell J. Ebeid Children’s Hospital NICU Speech Language Pathologist, said the moms in the ward can instantly feel support, but partners can likely feel lost.
"Partners are stoics. Right? They try to hold it all in and it seems like for them sometimes the experience can be slower, more frustrating. Because they don't quite know where their place is in the journey," Bochi said.
ProMedica Russell J. Ebeid Children’s Hospital Neonatal Director, Dr. Howard Stein, has worked in medicine for 30 years. Of those years, he said 27 of them have been in the NICU. He has seen firsthand how this time in the unit takes its toll on relationships.
"Very difficult thing to be in. The divorce rate in the neonatal intensive care unit is extremely high. On the other hand, this can bring some families together amazingly and create a huge bond," Stein said.
Ryan says awareness and understanding are key.
"I will never get the flowers and support that a woman necessarily gets in that situation. But, knowing where the focus was and coming to terms with that made it kind of easier to find a role," Smith said.
"Being here is an emotional land mine. Something that you need your partner to say today to make you feel better," Bochi said. "It could be worse maybe the exact phrase that will set you over the edge tomorrow. It really is about communicating through the hard stuff."
The hard stuff is the fact that other parents have been released from the hospital with their newborn, but parents of babies in the NICU have a long road until they can go home with their baby. It seemed almost every day that Cash and Smith went into the hospital for their daughter, others were on their way out with their kids.
Families like them are also in the NICU with either days, weeks, or maybe even months left at the hospital.
"Imagine yourself in kind of a tunnel. You know there's something on the other side but you don't see it. But you have to be willing to still keep walking or still running because if you saw what was at the end you'd just take your time," Smith said.
"Our goal is to get babies home, not as fast as we can, but as safely as we can," Dr. Stein said.
After three months in neonatal intensive care at the ProMedica Russell J. Ebeid Children’s Hospital, TaTiana Cash will be taking her maternity leave to care of her daughter outside of the hospital with her husband.
