TOLEDO, Ohio — Bonnie Gill is struggling to figure out life without her son Josiah Gill.
The 20-year-old was found shot to death in his burning car under the Veteran's Glass City Skyway Bridge on Nov. 9.
"I still have nightmares," Bonnie Gill said. "I can't eat, I can't sleep."
Bonnie Gill said she feels a little closer to Josiah Gill at Cullen Park in Point Place, where he liked to fish.
"He was so excited to get this kayak and to get to go out there and fish out in the kayak," Bonnie Gill said.
She knows that is in the past. This is now.
She sat overlooking the water at Cullen Park on Tuesday, clutching her son's urn. She said it was only a day ago she could bear to touch it.
"He's in (the urn) here now but that's not my son. He's tall and blonde," Bonnie Gill said. "But I think since the arrest, I'm ready to face it and continue to fight for him."
The truth is, she has been fighting since the minute she found out he was dead. Fighting to survive this unthinkable grief, to be a good mother to her two girls, and to get answers.
Why was Josiah Gill killed? And by whom?
A 16-year-old suspect was arrested in Alabama late last week, according to Toledo police. A murder warrant was issued for him in January.
Toledo police also arrested Alexzander Perez, 31, in January and charged him with abuse of a corpse. Perez was arraigned Feb. 8 in Lucas County Common Pleas court where he pleaded not guilty to all charges.
"My son didn't know them," Bonnie Gill said of the two arrested.
She recalled going to Perez's recent arraignment in Lucas County Common Pleas Court.
"I just kept thinking about his hands. This man's hands touched my son's dead body last, and I didn't even get to see my son," she said. "They got to see my son. I didn't get to see my son. Somebody pulled the trigger, but Alex Perez took away my chance to see my son one last time."
Bonnie Gill feels guilt that only a mother knows because she was not there to save her son when she believes he needed her.
And for that, she has no forgiveness.
"I want them both to fry," Bonnie Gill said. "Absolutely. Eye for an eye."
She and her daughters wear "Justice for Josiah" T-shirts. She said the search for justice is just beginning.
RELATED: Toledo mom begs for someone to come forward with information about son killed, left in burned car
Even with the arrests, she still hears the whispers of the streets. They say someone knows more.
"I understand being afraid. I've been living in fear for months. But you can call anonymously. There's no reason to fear and actually, I know there's still people who know things about my son's case," Bonnie Gill said. "I know who they are, what they know. I don't know why they haven't come forward."
Bonnie Gill said an anonymous Crime Stoppers tip led to the teen's murder charge and arrest last week in Alabama.
She urged anyone who knows anything in any murder case to come forward and give families the answers they need.
If you have any information, call or text Crime Stoppers at 419-255-1111. You can remain anonymous and may be eligible for a cash reward.
